Stars in the sky.
Coffees in cafes.
I swear, I will lie if I will tell you there was never a time I’ve done all those things alone without a thought of “I hope he’s here, Lord.”
Giving you a heads up how it felt, I love taking a walk alone instead of taking a ride, but I hate it sometimes when I walk with my earphones playing a song that creates a thought of missing you.
I love watching how the sun sets alone, but I hate it when I want a buddy like you to be with me during all thoses seshes.
I love it when the skies reveal so many stars at night, reminding me of His promises for me as I watch, realize how faithful God is, but I sometimes wish you were there so I could tell you all those stories.
Do you know how calm and peaceful it is to stay in a cafe for long hours with a coffee, journal and music? Oh heavens! How I love those quiet times, but I will lie if I will say, there was never a time I wish you were there as well.
Oh buddy, I love the idea of being with you, hear stories from you, hear encouragements from you, praying with you, seeking God with you. I’m so excited to spend a lot of time doing all those stuff with you knowing it’s really something I know God has fulfilled for me and you. Don’t get me wrong, by the time I am writing this, I’m only 20 years old, about to graduate college, and in such a season when I know God allows situations for me to endure so I can be mature — Pruning season, might I say, and I know, chances are, I don’t know you yet. Maybe you’re already a friend of mine, or someone I just knew the name, or someone I got to randomly ride with in a jeepney, or someone I hate, or maybe you’re a total stranger still. I don’t know, but as I keep talking about you in my prayers, I fall in love with you, with the ideas of doing those stuff with you, and I fall in love with the idea that God is securing you and me at this present season as we wait patiently.
My love, about the idea of who you are, I am still clueless, but I’m writing this letter for you, so that one day, when our waiting is finally done, and I’m sitting right next to you, we can look back of something we’ve done in faith, chose Jesus first, valued our seasons and waited ’til He finally allowed us to meet.
Dibaaa, all those stuff are so exciting, I know! It sometimes brings i-can’t-wait-na-Lorddd feeling in me. Yet, I told myself, we sometimes need to set aside what we feel so we could protect something.
We need to protect something.
I have had a lot of moments that brought those thoughts of wishing you were there, but God is with me during those times as well, causing me to digest everything we have to venture first as we wait.
We need to protect something.
When I entered the first semester in my fourth year in college last year, I got to experienced a bunch of shakey scenes in life that made me chose if I will loosen my grip to God, or I will hold on tighter. During those seasons, I was really asking and asking and asking God why does this whole thing needs to happen, I badly want to escape from that point because it’s draining me, however, it was then also that I realized I prayed to be secured in Him alone, and having people to judge you, to weigh you down might sound so terrible but are actually essentials for God to answer my prayers of being secured in Him alone.
Another story, not-so-long ago, I need to admit I enjoyed the feeling of talking and being with someone I have a lot of similarities with. Again, emotions, and I have to tell myself everytime that I’m not guarding my heart for you if I will pursue this emotions. Whether there could be possibilities you are the same person I’m referring to right now or not, thoughts I never let myself be forgotten is this: “What if my future husband is doing his best to guard his heart at this present time just to honor God and preserve it until we meet, while I’m enjoying this uncertain thing right now?”
My emotions are really pushing me to slowly loosen every single finger I have on my grip to my convictions and just give in to where my emotions will lead me but here’s what I realized, If I didn’t value and endure the season I was in back then, I probably missed God’s breakthrough in my life.
And I don’t want that to happen, dear.
I know I will be loving you for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want you to miss even a single second of God’s best in your life. In our lives.
With what God has for you right now, I don’t have even a glimpse of idea, yet, I hope that you’ll see the beauty of what is in there. It might be fueling you to stop, to give up, to be discouraged, or maybe to step out, to stand, to fight more, my prayer is that you will not stop from pursuing, not because you understand God full well, but because you trust God full well. Love, please know that I am always praying for you. Fighting, backing you up, and encouraging you up with our Lord, Jesus.
My love, I wouldn’t take away the reality we have right now. I know it’s not possible for us to not get attracted by the people we are surrounded with, they are great and awesome men and women of God, the feeling it provides of being with them is so good, convos are super kakilig, and the waiting seems too long for us, but I hope and pray that despite of how hard it is for us to resist sometimes, we will still choose and cling on to Jesus, knowing that the source of the perfect love we are experiencing right now is from Him alone, and that nothing and no one could ever satisfy our hearts.
If this waiting season will take too long, and I will have to to set aside what I feel when I get tempted, I wouldn’t mind, my love, if that means guarding my heart to honor God and to preserve it for you, I wouldn’t mind. For I know that as we wait, God is always with us bringing us to seasons and seasons, and making us whole. For I know that as we wait for the Lord, instead of each other, we will find Him and it will lead us to the fullness we have in Him. My love, I wouldn’t mind, if that means we will get to worship Him more and more as we wait for Him, and ’til the day we meet, I just want more of Jesus within me and in you all the days of our lives.
I love you with the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Hope you’re doing fine! 🙂