To my future husband.

Night walks.

Sunsets.

Stars in the sky.

Coffees in cafes.

I swear, I will lie if I will tell you there was never a time I’ve done all those things alone without a thought of “I hope he’s here, Lord.”

Giving you a heads up how it felt, I love taking a walk alone instead of taking a ride, but I hate it sometimes when I walk with my earphones playing a song that creates a thought of missing you.

I love watching how the sun sets alone, but I hate it when I want a buddy like you to be with me during all thoses seshes.

I love it when the skies reveal so many stars at night, reminding me of His promises for me as I watch, realize how faithful God is, but I sometimes wish you were there so I could tell you all those stories.

Do you know how calm and peaceful it is to stay in a cafe for long hours with a coffee, journal and music? Oh heavens! How I love those quiet times, but I will lie if I will say, there was never a time I wish you were there as well.

Oh buddy, I love the idea of being with you, hear stories from you, hear encouragements from you, praying with you, seeking God with you. I’m so excited to spend a lot of time doing all those stuff with you knowing it’s really something I know God has fulfilled for me and you. Don’t get me wrong, by the time I am writing this, I’m only 20 years old, about to graduate college, and in such a season when I know God allows situations for me to endure so I can be mature — Pruning season, might I say, and I know, chances are, I don’t know you yet. Maybe you’re already a friend of mine, or someone I just knew the name, or someone I got to randomly ride with in a jeepney, or someone I hate, or maybe you’re a total stranger still. I don’t know, but as I keep talking about you in my prayers, I fall in love with you, with the ideas of doing those stuff with you, and I fall in love with the idea that God is securing you and me at this present season as we wait patiently.

My love, about the idea of who you are, I am still clueless, but I’m writing this letter for you, so that one day, when our waiting is finally done, and I’m sitting right next to you, we can look back of something we’ve done in faith, chose Jesus first, valued our seasons and waited ’til He finally allowed us to meet.

Dibaaa, all those stuff are so exciting, I know! It sometimes brings i-can’t-wait-na-Lorddd feeling in me. Yet, I told myself, we sometimes need to set aside what we feel so we could protect something.

We need to protect something.

I have had a lot of moments that brought those thoughts of wishing you were there, but God is with me during those times as well, causing me to digest everything we have to venture first as we wait.

We need to protect something.

Our seasons.

When I entered the first semester in my fourth year in college last year, I got to experienced a bunch of shakey scenes in life that made me chose if I will loosen my grip to God, or I will hold on tighter. During those seasons, I was really asking and asking and asking God why does this whole thing needs to happen, I badly want to escape from that point because it’s draining me, however, it was then also that I realized I prayed to be secured in Him alone, and having people to judge you, to weigh you down might sound so terrible but are actually essentials for God to answer my prayers of being secured in Him alone.

Another story, not-so-long ago, I need to admit I enjoyed the feeling of talking and being with someone I have a lot of similarities with. Again, emotions, and I have to tell myself everytime that I’m not guarding my heart for you if I will pursue this emotions. Whether there could be possibilities you are the same person I’m referring to right now or not, thoughts I never let myself be forgotten is this: “What if my future husband is doing his best to guard his heart at this present time just to honor God and preserve it until we meet, while I’m enjoying this uncertain thing right now?”

My emotions are really pushing me to slowly loosen every single finger I have on my grip to my convictions and just give in to where my emotions will lead me but here’s what I realized, If I didn’t value and endure the season I was in back then, I probably missed God’s breakthrough in my life.

And I don’t want that to happen, dear.

I know I will be loving you for the rest of our lives, and I don’t want you to miss even a single second of God’s best in your life. In our lives.

Seasons.

With what God has for you right now, I don’t have even a glimpse of idea, yet, I hope that you’ll see the beauty of what is in there. It might be fueling you to stop, to give up, to be discouraged, or maybe to step out, to stand, to fight more, my prayer is that you will not stop from pursuing, not because you understand God full well, but because you trust God full well. Love, please know that I am always praying for you. Fighting, backing you up, and encouraging you up with our Lord, Jesus.

My love, I wouldn’t take away the reality we have right now. I know it’s not possible for us to not get attracted by the people we are surrounded with, they are great and awesome men and women of God, the feeling it provides of being with them is so good, convos are super kakilig, and the waiting seems too long for us, but I hope and pray that despite of how hard it is for us to resist sometimes, we will still choose and cling on to Jesus, knowing that the source of the perfect love we are experiencing right now is from Him alone, and that nothing and no one could ever satisfy our hearts.

If this waiting season will take too long, and I will have to to set aside what I feel when I get tempted, I wouldn’t mind, my love, if that means guarding my heart to honor God and to preserve it for you, I wouldn’t mind. For I know that as we wait, God is always with us bringing us to seasons and seasons, and making us whole. For I know that as we wait for the Lord, instead of each other, we will find Him and it will lead us to the fullness we have in Him. My love, I wouldn’t mind, if that means we will get to worship Him more and more as we wait for Him, and ’til the day we meet, I just want more of Jesus within me and in you all the days of our lives.

I love you with the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Hope you’re doing fine! 🙂

In Christ,

Jarmella.

When God drops a Cheesy Line | A Reblog

I’m away from home for about two months to work in a Call Center Company for the whole summer, causing me to feel like, somewhat, a grown-up (naks!) and at the same time, a very needy person who longs to know what to do next, how will i overcome this, and this, why is this happening, when will i stop, what to say and many WH-H questions, every single day.

In short, that’s the season when i realized i really really need God. EVERY. STEP. OF. THE. WAY. I mean, i know I need God, however, in those times, I felt like I need Him more, no, most, in every aspect of my life.

So there you go, in those times when i realized I’m a very needy person. I keep myself going to a Nap Room in our office for atleast an hour, not to sleep, but to seek God in prayers, devotions, and reading Christian articles, which lead me to Joena San Diego’s website, containing good writings (oh heavens!) that will really makes you kilig more with God.

Aaand, there’s this blog, When God drops a Cheesy Lines, it says there that when you are in a foreign country, or should i say, unfamiliar place for you, you will hear that still small voice louder, whispering what you’re waiting to hear at the end of a long tiring, or probably a joyful day!

As i read those, i realized that it’s really true! I’ve been to places i’m not familiar with, stay for a little bit long in those places and God never ever fails to whisper what I really need to hear, and to share with you also the messages I heard from God, as Joena did, I asked permission to her to reblog this one. Hihihi.

1. Tell me of all your flaws & let me love you anyway. It’s when I don’t feel I’m loved and I’m not supposed to be loved because I fail Him often, yet, His grace is so sufficient to love me anyway and regardless.
2.  Well, you’re not here to simply gain working experience. You are here for the purpose I have for you. There’s a time back then, that I seemed to forgot why am i working there, i just want to go home, like my classmates are doing while vacation. I thought I’m just working and working and working. Then, He made me realized that His purpose for me is to share Him to my co-workers.
3. Do you think that is something that will change the plans I have for you? No, anak. I am consumed by discouragements I’m getting from people I’m surrounded with that I thought those are the things i’ll be living for for the rest of my life and He just confronted me with a question that is, indeed, kakilig!!
4. It’s not about you, anak. For if it is about you, the pressure will be on you. It’s about Me & don’t worry, I’ll work before you. When it feels like sharing the gospel to someone is so discouraging because i thought people will just reject me, He reminded me that at the end of the day, it’s not about me naman. It’s all bout His glory.
5. I understand. If you’re tired, I’ve prepared a fortress for you. I love you. I was crying out in the comfort room telling God i’m tired doing the same thing, and always ends with a shout from the customer on the line. I’m tired and all I have to do that time is just to give up, but God did not encourage me to give up. He cheers me up and reminded me I can find my fortress in His name.
6. Simply because you are mine. Pressured by the words “maging open minded ka kasi” from my co-workers, I asked God, why it has to be like, people like them chooses to things of this world while I, as His follower, am not expected to do things they are asking me to have an open mind, when in fact, He’s the One who made us. I’m glad God answered with a simple sentence and it explains it all, and it’s not simply because i am His. It’s because His grace allowed me to decide to be His. And i’m beyond grateful of that. 🙂

Upon grace | 01

“Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied.” Psalm 17:15 (NLT)

Guilt blinds us in seeing God. Or sometimes, guilt consumes that we aren’t able or prepared to see how God works. Guilt hinders us from experiencing true peace, and guilt comes from doing/choosing sin over God’s will.

What I’ve learned in this verse is, let’s take delight in the Lord, choose to live in His purpose in our lives, rely on His word alone, away from choosing anything the Bible calls sin. With that, we will be able to experience a life free from guilt and shame.

How about our nature? We are still humans. We still prone to commit sins in times. What about that? In the verse above, i realized that though it is given that sometimes, we fail to honor God and do sin, what matters is our heart. I mean, is there an occupying part in your heart that desires to turn to God after all? If yes, how was our respond to it? Being sorry is not enough. Of course, repentance includes the feeling of being sorry, but, how you put it into action is also considered. For true repentance comes with a 180 degree turn. In the end, our heart, and the willingness of hearts to turn to God, is what matters.

“In the end, our heart, and the willingness of hearts to turn to God, is what matters.”

Let’s not stop in our condition of being guilty. Let’s free ourselves from it through evaluating first, where is Jesus in this decision i’m about to make? If we find Him and we know our decision will surely bring a smile to His face, why doubt? Of course, it’s a go. But when we fail to do the evaluation, and we’ve already committed the sin, let’s introduce to our hearts how God’s grace saved us (even if it is best described as again and again and again and again, let’s remind ourselves still), and let’s do the respond that will always suits to it — repent and live for Him.

Let this be our prayer,

Heavenly Father, i praise and thank You for who You are. You are a God of second chances, and that’s just one of Your goodness. I hope and pray that Your grace and love will continue to move in my heart to say “no”when i’m hesitating to choose sin or Your will. I pray that it is always You. Teach my heart to do that, Father. If i sometimes fail, remind me of Your open arms behind me and tell me to go back in Your arms again. Let me see Your face when darkness blinds my eyes. Set peace in my heart as i take delight in You, my sweet and worthy to be praised, Father. I’m in faith asking all of these in my Lord and Savior’s name Jesus Christ who reigns forever more. Amen.

Choose to live for Him.

 

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Alive in Christ

The old is gooone, the new has cooome i’m aliiiive.

It’s Sunday today! Sitting on our sofa while waiting for the clock to strike 9:15am to go to Sunday Service, and suddenly come up to reminiscing what happened to my life since the very hour i have decided to fully leave the old me. Yup, this is a yesterday story.

To share the full story with you, my goal is not to gossip myself, exalt myself or glorify myself BUT, to testify how great is our God, how much He cares for our cries, how He respond to it and how perfect is His timing. So here,

Before i finally had my Victory Weekend last February 3-4, 2017. I’ve been asking God so much to make it happen to my life — Victory Weekend encounter. I remember my first time i desire to go for a retreat like this, but it’s not in Victory Christian Fellowship. Two times of praying for it to happen on that church, i failed to claim it. After that, my old friend in High School, reached out for me, invited me to attend again in their Youth Service every friday in Victory Baliwag. (Not to confuse you with ‘again’, t’was in our 4th year High School when she asked me to go there and responded yes) So yup, i did.

Responding yes again to her, puts a question in my mind as i wait inside the center, “Lord, bakit ang saya ko ditooo??????” and found myself smiling the whole time of waiting. But, it didn’t stop there, i continued attending youth service, prayed for my mom to allow me to go there continually, enter my One2One journey, i started to attend Sunday services (and grateful God talked to my parents to allow me), i’m already with my younger sister in serving the LORD, then one time came.

Wayback April 2016, One lesson in our One2One, my Victory Group leader, Mona (the same old high school friend i’m talking about), told me, my VG mate, Manieca will undergo her Victory Weekend. I don’t know what happened to my heart but it cried for a desire. I know deeply, i want to encounter that such! So, i told my leader about what i feel and she helped me. Later in August 2016, Victory Weekend will be held again in our church and this time, my younger sister desires to have hers also! So we prayed for it, saved money for it, prepared for it buuut what gave my heart an “Ouch!” is i had a high fever for a week that includes the days of the VW. Maybe that’s a hurt feeling for me and for my sister but i know God has to say “Ouch!” first before us. Why? Simply because He delights whenever He sees us in joy of receiving what we prayed for, but also, in those days i doubted why God did not answered us, we tried to understand that God will be delighted more if He will fulfill His plans in His perfect time. And so He did!

To cut it short, we’re not able to have our VW on that month. Buuut, we prayed again for it. We trusted God and trusting Him still. January 2017 arised by His grace and we’re able to join the worldwide Every Nation Churches Prayer and Fasting, which we included our VW as one of our 2017 faith goals. We are in faith for it!!!! Our VG leaders our excited for it! My friends are excited for it! My ministry mates out excited for it! But after all, i know God is the most excited for us to experience it!!!

 

Week before the said GRAAABEEEHHNG event, we asked our family to allow us to go there. They agreed!! But the fact, enemy will try to shake your faith when enemy knew you’re grateful to God, so it happened. Night before the VW. We’re in our bloated eyes that night, i started questioning God that time but since i promised Him to still have time to worship Him regardless of the hardships i’m facing, i have to. Amidst my cries, sorrow, questions and fear, God gave me the grace to worship Him still. I sent messages to my closest friends and my spiritual family to pray for us, to still be able to attend VW. Beyond grateful is what i feel as i read prayers, declarations and encouragement from the people that surround me despite of the situation i’m in. Last minutes before the event, my sister and I prayed to God and have a praise and worship time at home. We decided to just put our trust to God because He will not fail us. We know. And what’s great, in those last minutes, God answered! Lack of words, unable to explain things, but one thing is clear!!!! HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS PROMISES. No power can ever stand against our God. He is the mightiest!

As we go to center, i’m aware my heart’s rejoicing! When my VG mates saw me going inside the center, they stopped me, they jumped with me, they rejoice with me, they told me the prayer rally they did when they heard the news hahahahahahaha. Totally, i’ve proven and tested God’s greatness in my life. From my first days of knowing Him journey up to now. I know He is getting more great! (The only reason why i’m crying even the lined up song is a fast song hahahaha)

As the Victory Weekend runs, i can’t help but ask God again “totoo na ba to? Or panaginip?” while i’m seriously blinking my eyes. Before i have this encounter, it already installed in my mind and heart that God loves me! What’s amazing is, what i know about God’s love and grace is just a bit of all the more!!! Every second of the sessions, i can’t thank God enough for really bringing me to an experience that will make me commit my full self to Him, that will make me love Him even more, that will make me praise Him more all the daaays of my life! I can now finally say, no matter how big is my sins before, no matter how undeserved i am, there’s this one true God, His name is Jesus, that voluntarily washed my iniquities and sins the moment i accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. The old me has gone and already dead to sin, i am now alive in Christ Jesus! By grace, through faith!

 

The reason why i keep climbing because Someone’s cheering for me. Thank You, God.